Being My Own Advocate

Warning: I'm still pretty heated so this will be a little dramatic.

So today I had my post 3 failed IUI meeting with my RE. I knew going into this that the clinic had a BMI limit for IVF but she had mentioned that there was another clinic in the city that would do it.

Her "plan" at the start of the meeting was for us to take a break through the holidays and then we'd go back to timed intercourse while I work on lowering my BMI. And that was it. That's what set me off. After almost 3 years of trying, I just don't think my sanity could take more wasting time.....so I snapped.

I told her that my mental health couldn't handle more months of failure and doing the same things over and over, that I needed to move forward. I get she didn't make the rules but at this point she was gatekeeping and basically telling me that I was too fat to be a mom. So I asked about the other doctor she had mentioned before. I repeated myself multiple times about it.

FINALLY, she says "yeah IVF is probably the best next step because you can find so much more about your eggs and potentially why all of this hasn't been working so far. So I'll call the doctor and send your stuff over and see when he can get you in"

LIKE WTF BITCH?! so....if I was skinnier, you would have chosen IVF for my next step?.....also let me clarify, I eat very healthy, exercise, saw a weightloss doctor AND have no other issues other than my PCOS so my weight is a direct reflection of my hormone imbalance and NOT because I'm unhealthy.

I think I made the right call standing up for myself and while I sobbed the whole time we talked and afterwards, I feel like I'm finally moving forward. As I'm sitting here reflecting, my cystectomy was the same way, I had to point out to her that my cyst was growing and that it could be causing an issue...come to find out it had ruined one of my tubes. If I hadn't pushed, I would would never have had surgery and I wouldn't be moving on to IVF. I just want a baby...I just want to be a mom.